You probably know a few couples who got divorced after being married for decades. Going through a midlife crisis can cause a marriage to dissolve. The midlife crisis itself can have a negative impact on the marriage or can make one of the spouses realize that their relationship is not fulfilling.
Going through a midlife crisis is a natural reaction to aging. You might realize that you lived halfway through your life and might not feel satisfied with what you have done with the experiences you have had. You might feel that you don’t have much time left to enjoy life.
The real reason behind a midlife crisis is a lack of contentment. Your relationship to your spouse might be one of the reasons why you do not feel fulfilled, but you might also feel unhappy because you haven’t reached your personal goals or do not have a career you enjoy. It is important to identify the areas of your life in which you do not feel fulfilled instead of letting these negative feelings overwhelm you and think they are all about your marriage.
Midlife crises often lead to divorces because individuals feel that they need to be more independent or decide that their marriage is simply not fulfilling. It is also not uncommon to have an affair or to engage in other behaviors that are hurtful to a marriage as a result of a midlife crisis.
A midlife crisis does not always have to result in a divorce. However, it is very important that you do not let your crisis affect your marriage in a negative manner since fixing your relationship will not be easy. It is definitely possible to fix your marriage even if it has already been negatively affected by your midlife crisis. However, this will take time and it’s very important that you are able to talk with your spouse and if possible agree on what needs to be done to repair your marriage.
Many couples that I regularly see find it nearly impossible to have these kinds of conversations in a respectful loving manner all by themselves. Please do consider contacting a marriage friendly counselor, coach or therapist with a great reputation of success.
It is important to take some time to really think about what you are going through and to identify what is causing you to feel dissatisfied. You might come to the conclusion that this crisis is not really all about your marriage. Therefore, you should not separate from your spouse in an impulsive manner because you crave independence or new experiences.
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If your marriage is not fulfilling, ask yourself why and hopefully include a marriage coach or counselor. Include your spouse if possible as they may also be dissatisfied with the marriage or have many issues as well. You should look for ways to improve the relationship so that the marriage meets your expectations as well as your spouse’s. Even if your spouse does not want to be included, please do go by yourself.
So many people believe that going alone to a counselor won’t work to improve their marriage. That is truly a myth and I have found many times that marriages have totally turned around by just working with one spouse.
Going to talk to someone is very important to help you put things into perspective and understand how your midlife crisis might be distorting the way you see your marriage.
Your midlife crisis does not have to negatively impact your marriage. Going through a midlife crisis is a sign that you need to change some things to make your life more fulfilling. You can take another view and see this as an opportunity to grow as an individual and to improve your marriage as well.
Marriage Counselor & Author
In my personal life, I have had a long successful marriage and have remarried following my husband's death. I have had three sons and helped raise a niece for three years and have seven grandchildren. I have loved spending time with them as they were growing up.
I also enjoy getting together with family and friends, ATVing in the mountains, photography, hiking, and traveling. I also enjoy reading, creating art, decorating, and serving others by volunteering.
Assisting couples in rebuilding their marriages has been so rewarding as I've had the privilege of seeing hundreds of couples reunite and get back to being positively connected to one another.
I also work with personal development and those who want to move forward by making positive improvements such as goal setting, self-care, boundaries, behavioral improvements, overcoming procrastination, conflict management, etc.