Marriages fail for a number of reasons, but experiencing marriage problems doesn’t mean that things have to end. You and your spouse can commit to saving your marriage and look for ways to address your issues.
Saving Your Marriage After an Affair
It is possible to save your marriage if one of the spouses has had an affair. Eventually, the other spouse will have to forgive them, which can take time. You will also need to figure out why the affair happened and get help. Your goal should be to build a marriage that meets the needs of both spouses to avoid infidelity in the future.
Addressing Addictions and Behavior Problems
Addictions and other behavior problems can ruin a marriage. The spouse who suffers from an addiction will put all their time and energy in the pursuit of drugs, alcohol, gambling or of something else and the marriage will suffer. If you are in this situation, one of the spouses probably needs treatment or therapy to solve their personal problems before you can work on the marriage.
Getting Over Anger and Resentment
Negative emotions like excessive anger and resentment might be threatening your marriage. Anger and resentment make it impossible to have a calm discussion about your problems and to enjoy each other’s company.
Your best option is to get help from a counselor, coach, or therapist who will help you talk about your problems without fighting. Talking about your emotions should help and you might want to address personal problems that are behind excessive anger and other negative emotions.
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Learning To Communicate
A lack of communication is another common dealbreaker. You cannot build a marriage, find happiness together and work on your problems if there is no communication and trust in the relationship. It’s important that you find ways to create a space where you can openly communicate by learning to listen in a non-judgmental way and by opening up to each other. This is something you can work on with your spouse but you can also choose to get help from a marriage-friendly professional.
Addressing A Lack of Intimacy
Intimacy is often lacking from marriages that are in trouble. The lack of intimacy can result in more problems or can be a symptom of underlying issues. You can remedy this problem by building a better relationship. There are other issues you might need to address before you can focus on the lack of intimacy, such as anger or resentment. You can restore intimacy in your marriage by connecting with your spouse on an emotional level, by spending quality time with them, and by paying attention to each other.
Saving your marriage from these common dealbreakers is possible if you are able to identify your issues and are dedicated to addressing them and to saving your marriage. It is never too late to save your marriage but you should be prepared to make some efforts on yourself and to support your spouse while they work on their problems as well.
Waverly Hanson
Marriage Counselor & Author
In my personal life, I have had a long successful marriage and have remarried following my husband's death. I have had three sons and helped raise a niece for three years and have seven grandchildren. I have loved spending time with them as they were growing up.
I also enjoy getting together with family and friends, ATVing in the mountains, photography, hiking, and traveling. I also enjoy reading, creating art, decorating, and serving others by volunteering.
Assisting couples in rebuilding their marriages has been so rewarding as I've had the privilege of seeing hundreds of couples reunite and get back to being positively connected to one another.
I also work with personal development and those who want to move forward by making positive improvements such as goal setting, self-care, boundaries, behavioral improvements, overcoming procrastination, conflict management, etc.