Please do not follow the temptation to give up on your marriage!  You and your spouse might have already talked about divorce or you might feel that nothing can be done. Nothing could be further from the truth! Your marriage is worth saving and you can fix things no matter how bad the situation seems.

Acknowledge Your Mistakes

Ask yourself what you could have done differently to prevent your marriage from deteriorating. Acknowledge what you did wrong and reach out to your spouse so you can apologize to them. Don’t simply say that you are sorry. Mention specific things you wished you had done differently to show that you have been thinking about your marriage and how to salvage it.

Determine How To Save Your Marriage

The things you will have to do to fix your marriage depend on what went wrong. If there was an affair or another event that left hurt feelings on both sides, it may be best to spend a very short time apart to cool down.

During that time, it is urgent that you find a marriage friendly counselor, coach or therapist for your marriage. With that outside person’s assistance, you will need to address the problems and events that lead to the marriage crisis and determine the best way to resolve these issues.

Work With Your Spouse

Your spouse might not be willing to give the marriage a second chance. Give some time and some space if they ask for it, but look for ways to demonstrate by your actions that you are serious about saving your marriage.

Sometimes it helps to recall the good times you had, thinking about your children and talking about the goals you achieved together. However, at times that hurt spouse only remembers the pain and doesn’t connect with good memories.

If that is the case, do not try to sales talk them into quickly reconciling. Instead be very patient and loving. Your actions, rather than words, will be most convincing. When you are seeking help and starting work on fixing things yourself, eventually your spouse may be curious and join in. 

As a marriage coach, I have seen that happen many, many times. When one spouse changes, the other almost automatically has to change how they react.




Following are tips to help strengthen your marriage. But first, check out my products related to marriage health.

Make Compromises

Apologizing to your spouse is a good start if you have hurt them. You should also show them that you are ready to make compromises and that you want to build a relationship that will make the two of you happier.

If your spouse is open to it, you can ask him or her to help you understand why the marriage was not working for them, if you do not know.  It is helpful if they are willing to list their needs and expectations for the relationship if it were to work in the future. Show them that you are willing to change and to become the kind of spouse with whom they could build a happier marriage.

Be Patient

If this is about an affair or another event that damaged your marriage, will take a lot of time and rebuilding trust. You need to be patient and to keep working on things, even if you feel that you are not making progress.

If your spouse is willing, it can be helpful in time to talk about how you can both move ahead.  At first, the betrayed spouse will feel so devastated that they may be unwilling to talk at all.

If you are the spouse who strayed, you will need to take several specific actions that demonstrate your deep regret as well as ways you will prove your sincerity about rebuilding trust.


In time, hopefully you will be able to learn specific efforts you can take that are   reassuring to the betrayed spouse you are now determined to reinvest in your marriage.

Take breaks from the pain by spending time with hobbies and safe friends and hopefully eventually spending time doing something fun with your spouse.

Usually, before an affair ever occurs, the couple is no longer spending quality time together or being close and connected. They often have lost the closeness they had early on.

If there is not an affair involved, it is usually much easier to rebuild your connection.  It is possible to repair and rebuild your relationship with one another without counseling, coaching or therapy. However, you will find it goes much faster with outside experienced help.

How to save your marriage depends on which issues you need to address. Take action now, look for solutions, and reach out to your spouse to convince them of your sincerity to help you fix the things that have gone wrong between you.


    An Expert’s Guide to Keeping the Flame of Your Marital Love Blazing

    Several of the things I have learned through my 30 plus years of listening, counseling and coaching is that marriage requires a lot of self-awareness and tuning into our partners needs as well as our own. Along with these requirements, of course, we are always keeping...


    An Expert’s Guide to Keeping the Flame of Your Marital Love Blazing - Waverlys Several of the things I have learned through my 30 plus years of listening , counseling and coaching is that marriage requires a lot of self-awareness and tuning into our partners needs as...

    Marriage Tips to Make Your Marriage Happier

    Who wouldn’t want to make their marriage happier and could use a marriage tip or two. When you begin to set aside time for each other again, as well as yourself, you’ll be amazed at the dramatic difference it makes. However, often when we get so busy with life’s...

    Divorce Attorney Offers Relationship Advice

    Shared by Waverly J. Hanson with permission of The Macomb Daily by Susan Smiley     Most people don’t know each other as well as they think they do. Clinton Township attorney Anthony Urbani has been practicing family law for more than 30 years. Through...

    Benefits of Committed Relationships

    We have a powerful need and desire for coupling that drives us into and out of relationships. The desire for partnership is pervasive and universal, reaching back to the origin of our species, spanning almost every culture and civilization. 85% of us marry at least...

    Is We Just Drifted Apart Inevitable?

    Have you heard "We Just Drifted Apart" being used as a “reason” for divorce at least dozens of times? To me this statement is made like it is something seemingly ”inevitable” that just “happens” without cause. Does this statement seem to you to be made almost as a...

    Build A Strong Foundation: Marriage Advice

    How to Build a Strong Foundation for Your Relationship Because break-ups tend to occur at the beginning of a relationship, it is important that you begin building a strong relationship at the beginning. When you develop a relationship that is healthy from the...

    Who Wants A Happy Marriage? Who wouldn’t?

    What does it take to make a happy marriage? Is it staying forever in the euphoric state where you were when you first met? Pretty unrealistic, because none of us are perfect! Not really, because that is a stage where you are at least 6 feet off the ground and cannot...

    How To Have A Happy Marriage

    Most people want a Happy Marriage If you're like most people, you think about having a dream wedding and a happy marriage with a person that you truly love and adore. There's nothing more beautiful than being committed to one person for the rest of your life and...

    Want Marriage Help – Use Real Communication

    The importance of communication. In any successful relationship, kind and respectful communication is an important key ingredient. When you are in a relationship where you don’t feel that you can honestly communicate with your partner you might want to think about...
    Waverly Hanson

    Waverly Hanson

    Marriage Counselor & Author

    In my personal life, I have had a long successful marriage and have remarried following my husband's death.  I have had three sons and helped raise a niece for three years and have seven grandchildren.  I have loved spending time with them as they were growing up.

    I also enjoy getting together with family and friends, ATVing in the mountains, photography, hiking, and traveling. I also enjoy reading, creating art, decorating, and serving others by volunteering. 

    Assisting couples in rebuilding their marriages has been so rewarding as I've had the privilege of seeing hundreds of couples reunite and get back to being positively connected to one another. 

    I also work with personal development and those who want to move forward by making positive improvements such as goal setting, self-care, boundaries, behavioral improvements, overcoming procrastination, conflict management, etc.