Every couple has their problems, just like every individual in their world has their own problems. Whether your marriage suffers due to a lack of communication or from frequent fights, it is time to address these problems. A passive attitude will result in resentment and other negative emotions building up. You can fix your marriage and create a happier relationship by addressing your problems now, even if it seems that you are headed for a divorce.
What’s Do You Fight About?
If you and your spouse have some recurring fights, you need to address these issues once and for all. Keep in mind that there might be hidden reasons behind your fights. You might, for instance, fight over trivial things because there are negative emotions on both sides linked to issues that are not addressed. Couples often fight about money, parenting styles, or chores.
Do You Meet Each Other’s Needs?
You can build a successful marriage by being attentive to each other’s needs. Your spouse should provide you with attention, support and affection and you should do the same for them.
If your marriage is not meeting these basic needs, you need to bring up this issue to the attention of your spouse. It’s very important that you talk about what you expect from the relationship and about what you can do to meet each other’s needs. You will find that small gestures and simple things such as spending quality time together can really make a difference.
Do You Still Communicate Positively?
A lot of marriage problems stem from a lack of communication. You might talk with your spouse and be able to have conversations without fighting. However, you should also be able to communicate about your emotions and to talk about the things you would like to change in the relationship.
Be a good listener when your spouse communicates with you and take some time to think of some things you could do to improve communication in your marriage. Acknowledging that there is a lack of positive communication and that you each need to address some issues or feelings is a good start.
Is There Resentment In Your Marriage?
Resentment can build up in a marriage if issues are not addressed. This very commonly happens. You or your spouse might experience resentment and anger due to specific events, but resentment can also build up over the years due to small things.
Ask yourself if you have any negative feelings towards your spouse and ask them to do the same. At the right time, do bring these up and talk about these feelings. At the same time, look for things you can change so you can eliminate resentment.
If there has seen something such as an affair, do get some professional help so if you choose, you can take the and make the necessary changes to rebuild trust and preventative techniques to begin to heal and forgive if that is your choice. (I am not saying that is always the choice to be made because it depends a lot on the circumstances.)
Addressing these marriage problems will help you improve the quality of your relationship. Please take some time to think about your marriage, what is happening right now, what needs to change for this to be a healthy relationship for you both.
Naturally, you will encourage your spouse to do the same so that you can get together and find solutions to your problems.
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Are You Both Able to Fulfill the Above?
Unfortunately, you may be one of many couples who have allowed serious problems to go on for long, it is nearly impossible for you to have respectful and kind conversations as described above.
In these cases, your emotions and negative feelings may be so strong, that you really need to seek outside help. If so, there are marriage coaches, counselors or therapists who specialize in helping couples recharge their marriages. If you choose to look locally, be certain you find what I can a marriage friendly professional.
Ask about their success rate and philosophy. Some do not value marriage and think there is a quick fix by divorcing.
You have nothing to lose by getting help! After over 25 years of working with hundreds of couples, I am still totally awed by what I consider the miraculous turnarounds in couple’s marriages!
Marriage Counselor & Author
In my personal life, I have had a long successful marriage and have remarried following my husband's death. I have had three sons and helped raise a niece for three years and have seven grandchildren. I have loved spending time with them as they were growing up.
I also enjoy getting together with family and friends, ATVing in the mountains, photography, hiking, and traveling. I also enjoy reading, creating art, decorating, and serving others by volunteering.
Assisting couples in rebuilding their marriages has been so rewarding as I've had the privilege of seeing hundreds of couples reunite and get back to being positively connected to one another.
I also work with personal development and those who want to move forward by making positive improvements such as goal setting, self-care, boundaries, behavioral improvements, overcoming procrastination, conflict management, etc.