Are you and your spouse considering a divorce? You can save your marriage from ending if you are willing to make some changes and to actually take actions on fixing things. Follow these five steps if you are going through a crisis with your marriage.

1. Acknowledge That There Is A Problem

You and your spouse need to acknowledge the fact that there is an issue with the relationship. This is not about putting the blame on one of the spouses but rather about identifying what went wrong. One of the spouses might have cheated on the other or you might have had a bad argument. Take some time to think about what happened and try to figure out why the marriage is going through a crisis.

Do not be too hard on yourselves, however, if you have a difficult time coming up with ideas. Sometimes you are just too close to your own situation to see it objectively. Even if you are able to do that, finding solutions all alone is difficult.

2. Apologize and Commit To Fixing Things

You cannot move past a marriage crisis if you don’t apologize for your part to your spouse. Even if you don’t think you did anything wrong, you can probably at least own that you weren’t the most pleasant in your approach. You could also just say you are sorry for your part in the matter and express your desire to come to a peaceful loving solution because you really care about your spouse.

You can then move on to talking about your issues and to an agreement to searching for solutions on fixing things. You might have to work on convincing your spouse to give the marriage another chance by telling them that you are willing to do whatever it takes.

3. Look for Concrete Solutions

You need to put together a detailed plan to save your marriage. Talking about your issues is not enough. Once you have identified what went wrong with your marriage, look for concrete solutions. This might include setting some specific rules and boundaries for your relationship health. It could also be finding new activities so you can rebuild your friendship. Another possibility is that either or both spouses agreeing to get help for a personal problem that has been affecting the relationship.




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4. Give It Some Time

Saving a marriage can take months and you will always have to work on the relationship to prevent things from deteriorating again. Any relationship or even project you care about takes time and effort.

It is important that you both are ready to make a commitment for the long-term. You also need to be ready for the possibility of things not working out in the end. However, unless there are serious problems with addictions, mental health or abuse of any kind, most things can be worked out with attention and effort.

Please do be patient and don’t give up if you feel that your efforts are not yielding the results you want yet.


5. Get Some Help

Most couples who are going through a crisis and considering divorce can benefit from getting professional help. A marriage coach or counselor or family therapist can help you and your spouse learn how to communicate in a healthy manner and address your issues in a safe environment.

Please do consider getting marriage friendly professional help if you and your spouse are unable to have a conversation about the marriage without arguing. The counselor, coach or therapist you meet with will also help you find concrete solutions for rebuilding your marriage.

Please do not hesitate to inquire as to their success with couples, perhaps their style and methods and any other questions that will add to your comfort level in going for assistance.

You and your spouse can fix your marriage even if it looks like you are headed for a divorce. This is a long and difficult process but you can learn to build a better relationship that you will bring more happiness and fulfillment to both spouses.


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    Waverly Hanson

    Waverly Hanson

    Marriage Counselor & Author

    In my personal life, I have had a long successful marriage and have remarried following my husband's death.  I have had three sons and helped raise a niece for three years and have seven grandchildren.  I have loved spending time with them as they were growing up.

    I also enjoy getting together with family and friends, ATVing in the mountains, photography, hiking, and traveling. I also enjoy reading, creating art, decorating, and serving others by volunteering. 

    Assisting couples in rebuilding their marriages has been so rewarding as I've had the privilege of seeing hundreds of couples reunite and get back to being positively connected to one another. 

    I also work with personal development and those who want to move forward by making positive improvements such as goal setting, self-care, boundaries, behavioral improvements, overcoming procrastination, conflict management, etc.