“To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up” – Ogden Nash
Marriage is hard work and plenty of it. However, as humans we are all prone to make mistakes that cost us the most precious of relationships we’ve ever entered into. Divorce, being the way out of a messy marriage, is opted for by many to escape the everyday hassles, rants and arguments. However, little emphasis is made on how to avoid it and how to try to make things work for good. Along with that, it is highly important to know the triggering factors of divorce. What are the marital issues that get grave enough for partner(s) to file for divorce and end a marriage which they had willingly invested in?
1. The Unrealistic Expectations
Yes, you had imagined all roses and daisies in your marriage and had envisioned it to be a fantasy escapade where the torments of practical life won’t reach you. And of course, this bubble burst. What we fail to acknowledge is that we are only humans and our partner is as much the normal version of a human being as we are in our messiest of states. Having unrealistic expectations in a marriage is one of the major marriage issues which result in possibilities of divorce out of frustration and lack of understanding.
2. Thinking Your Partner is Your Ultimate Savior
We all carry the baggage of our past. Both of you would have had some experiences which might have broken you, shaken your trust or depressed you. However, expecting from a spouse that they would come, fix all your problems which perhaps they have no clue of, and repair your damaged self esteem is to fall prey to the web of disappointments leading to a divorce. They would take time to understand the reasons behind a certain behavior of yours and as you both invest in your marriage, past concerns would slowly resolve on their own. Just don’t be hasty in making judgments.
3. The Third Party Intrusion
It is the killer – I tell you; it kills the love and respect in a marriage. Unless there is a dire need for a solution which you both can’t figure out on your own (and then too, invite a person wise and unbiased to resolve the matters), do not let any of the family members from either side or friends (not even mutual friends) get in between you two. The marital issues could be better resolved between the spouses because intrusion of any other person makes it more prone to complications and misunderstandings that lead to a divorce.
4. Suffocating Your Partner
When both or either of you do not get the desired space deserved, either of you is likely to stay annoyed at the other. (By the way, you just have to be a normal human to deserve your space.) You may find either of you begin to seek pleasure away from you in other activities. Of course, it is natural that you both need space, and if either of you refuse to give that to the other, bitterness could very easily seep into the marriage through rough conversations or lack of really conversing with one another.
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5. Sharing Pessimism
It is very much advised to share your emotions and fears with your partner. However, sharing too much of the pessimism present in your mind will likely lead to multiplying it needlessly. Unfortunately, when negativity gets out of your mouth, there’s no taking it back. When you are being negative it is much too easy to do too much criticizing, putting down.name calling or insulting. Naturally when you are sharing poisonous words toward one another it leads to either or both of you wanting to get away from each other. These behaviors can become divorce triggers for sure.
While it is true you can always make up or apologize for the small mistakes. However when some or all of them go unresolved for a long time or they continue to be repeated, they pile up. At that point they become a huge mountain of resentment or a big pile under the rug, which often leads to a grave step such as one or both of you threatening or wanting to file for divorce!
I would love to hear what is working for you as a couple or hear your questions. This helps me to furnish more articles and materials that address the topics that encourage and help you!
I do faithfully try to respond to every email I receive. Feel free to contact me at CoachWaverly@WaverlyHanson.com.
After 25 years, I am still awed by being a part of what I consider miraculous turnarounds with hundreds of couples.
Marriage Counselor & Author
In my personal life, I have had a long successful marriage and have remarried following my husband's death. I have had three sons and helped raise a niece for three years and have seven grandchildren. I have loved spending time with them as they were growing up.
I also enjoy getting together with family and friends, ATVing in the mountains, photography, hiking, and traveling. I also enjoy reading, creating art, decorating, and serving others by volunteering.
Assisting couples in rebuilding their marriages has been so rewarding as I've had the privilege of seeing hundreds of couples reunite and get back to being positively connected to one another.
I also work with personal development and those who want to move forward by making positive improvements such as goal setting, self-care, boundaries, behavioral improvements, overcoming procrastination, conflict management, etc.