There are several questions one has in mind when your marriage is on the brink of a divorce, such as “Can I save my marriage?” or “How could I fix my marriage which is already breaking?” The solution might have been there with you all the time, but you couldn’t see. Or perhaps, you had to make a big  effort to find it. It is often observed that couples who divorce have seen it coming for quite some time but they gave up too easily, not trying enough or being too tired to budge. The intense feeling of hopelessness that no matter what I do, he/she won’t stay, or understand me can be a couple of the reasons why people don’t strive to heal the breaking bonds or to strengthen them.

 

1. Listen to Understand Not Respond

Although it is highly emphasized upon, little of it is understood when you are taken over by an emotional rush.

In order to fix a marriage, it is highly important to give up your ego to at least the extent where you can listen to your spouse without blaming or accusing them. This is referring to something they have done in the distant past, or bringing up the forbidden topics or communicating just for the sake of it with no intention of getting to know the reasons behind their behavior and to resolve them. In addition it is vital to watch for the subtle messages and non verbal cues that are present.

2. Stop Fussing About All You Didn’t Get

You might have had a lot of expectations from your marriage and if all of them are not holding up, it doesn’t mean that nothing is good. If there have been many habits and attitudes of your spouse and their close family members which have irritated you beyond tolerance; then there are bound to be moments of bliss as well. Focus on what you have found in your partner, and focus on the positive traits only – no matter how many annoying habits they have which you have put up with all this time.

 

3. Take Time to Soothe Your Emotions

Since your marriage is already breaking up, there are bad or weak points and plenty of them. It might become even more difficult to put up with them any longer. However, in order to save the beautiful relation you have shared for so long (or not), you need to make the effort to keep calm lots of times, especially when he/she is getting on your nerves. Don’t react immediately to any nasty comment which you otherwise would but stop yourself from saying anything right away. Remember to take deep breaths, give yourself time to cool off and respond in an appropriate manner.

 

4. Comparisons Are A Big ‘No-No’

Every story is different, as is every person. Even if your twin sister and his twin brother are married to one another, they wouldn’t be having the same relationship you two share and vice versa. So, there is absolutely no point in comparing your marriage with others marriages. It accomplishes nothing and all it would do is damage your relationship and take away any leftover charm or reasons for you to stay.

Respect your partner and help them understand you, so that you not only make an effort to fix your marriage on the verge of a breakup, but also make it one you could be proud of!

 

 

 

Following are tips to help strengthen your marriage. But first, check out my products related to marriage health.

5. ReConnect and ReRomance

From my perspective, working with couples for over 25 years now, nearly without exception, every couple I see has allowed the responsibilities of life to take over all their time and energy. Because of that they are no longer feeling close and connected to one another. The romance has also not been nurtured amongst all the daily duties.

Unfortunately, the majority of couples allow this to happen with absolutely no intention at all. This just automatically occurs unless you very deliberately plan and set aside times just for you as a couple to reconnect daily, even if for a few minutes, and during special date times too.

The very best gift you can give your children is them seeing you love and respect one another. That is the best sense of security you can give them.

I would love to hear what is working for you as a couple or hear your questions. This helps me to furnish more articles and materials that address the topics that encourage and help you! Feel free to contact me at [email protected].

After 25 years, I am still awed by being a part of what I consider miraculous turnarounds with hundreds of couples.

     

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    Waverly Hanson

    Waverly Hanson

    Marriage Counselor & Author

    In my personal life, I have had a long successful marriage and have remarried following my husband's death.  I have had three sons and helped raise a niece for three years and have seven grandchildren.  I have loved spending time with them as they were growing up.

    I also enjoy getting together with family and friends, ATVing in the mountains, photography, hiking, and traveling. I also enjoy reading, creating art, decorating, and serving others by volunteering. 

    Assisting couples in rebuilding their marriages has been so rewarding as I've had the privilege of seeing hundreds of couples reunite and get back to being positively connected to one another. 

    I also work with personal development and those who want to move forward by making positive improvements such as goal setting, self-care, boundaries, behavioral improvements, overcoming procrastination, conflict management, etc.