Do you feel that you are the only one working on your marriage? Your spouse might not even realize or agree that things even need to change. It’s possible that he or she might not have the energy to work on your marriage or might not be interested.
How To Fix Your Marriage Alone
Start by asking yourself what could be causing the negative attitude of your spouse. They might have resentment, anger or other negative feelings towards you. They might not feel that the marriage is worth saving or that nothing can be done to turn things around. If it is still possible to have a respectful, calm and reasonable conversation with your spouse, please do.
Sometimes it works better to have this conversation in a peaceful and pleasant place rather than at home. Please kindly share with your spouse that things are not going well from your perspective and you would like to find ways to make things better. They might have a different belief and feel that things are fine and that nothing needs to change.
It is quite common to have each person within the marriage have very different feelings, beliefs or ideas about what is happening within their relationship for a whole lot of reasons.
Could It Be That You Are Both Out of Touch
When you talk with your spouse tell them as kindly as possible how you are feeling about the marriage. Explain why you want things to change and how you would like things to be. Then be sure to really listen with your heart to what they are feeling and thinking. Perhaps they are extremely stressed out by their work and responsibilities and are just in survival mode. If so, try to show understanding of their needs and perspectives as well as your own.
It is possible that your spouse has negative feelings towards you. If so, let them know that you need their help to become a better person and make the marriage work again. Be inviting and open in requesting your spouse share with you how you can be more helpful to them. Your spouse might change his or her mind once they realize that you both could live a happier life together once you both start making a few changes.
Sometimes An Outside Voice Can Help Give Perspective
If you are out of ideas to get out of the bad rut your marriage has fallen into, please avail yourself of a marriage friendly coach or counselor who specializes in working with couples and has a great success rate. This person can quickly give you practical ideas and tools that will work. Many times we are too close to our own situation to keep our perspective. Just one of you can make all the difference by beginning to interact differently than you have in the past.
Following are tips to help strengthen your marriage. But first, check out my products related to marriage health.
Meet Your Spouse’s Emotional Needs
Your spouse might not be willing to work on your marriage, but you can show them that things could be better by making an effort to meet their emotional needs. This includes paying attention to them and listening to them. Do your best not to develop feelings of resentment or other negative feelings if your spouse still does not appear to be making any efforts. Focus on being the best spouse you can be.
Demonstrate by Your Own Interactions That You are Changing Your Own Ways
Perhaps you both need to agree to some new rules for communication, especially if you tend to fight a lot or if you feel that communication is lacking from your marriage. This may help you understand why your spouse isn’t willing to work on your marriage and might also help them understand why you are not satisfied. Do your best to create a safe environment where you can both open up and listen to each other. You need to talk about how you and your spouse feel about the marriage and what you expect from the relationship. You also need to talk about any specific issues that you have been encountering in the marriage.
If you are wondering how to fix your marriage alone, you might feel that it is entirely up to you to make things better. This can be stressful and you might find yourself resenting your spouse if you are always the one who does all the hard work. Be patient and focus on communicating more with your spouse. Consider using outside support as you are endeavoring to change the dynamics within your relationship.
Your spouse might decide to make an effort as well once they better understand what you are going through and realize that you both could be happier together once you both make the changes needed by both of you.
Waverly Hanson
Marriage Counselor & Author
In my personal life, I have had a long successful marriage and have remarried following my husband's death. I have had three sons and helped raise a niece for three years and have seven grandchildren. I have loved spending time with them as they were growing up.
I also enjoy getting together with family and friends, ATVing in the mountains, photography, hiking, and traveling. I also enjoy reading, creating art, decorating, and serving others by volunteering.
Assisting couples in rebuilding their marriages has been so rewarding as I've had the privilege of seeing hundreds of couples reunite and get back to being positively connected to one another.
I also work with personal development and those who want to move forward by making positive improvements such as goal setting, self-care, boundaries, behavioral improvements, overcoming procrastination, conflict management, etc.