Marriage can be very disappointing when you feel it has stopped meeting your expectations. Many of you may be tempted to play with thoughts of going your own way. At that time, the fantasy or new life you see looks inviting and wonderful.

Question #1: What will your life look like after a divorce?

The reality of that action, nearly 100% of the time, is very different than your imagination. When I have a first meeting with a couple where at least one of them has decided they want to get a divorce, I usually ask them what that new life would look like. I also ask what would be different in their new life.

Interestingly, some of you have not really thought things through along with the reality of how different life would be in negative ways. Others of you have quite a clear picture of at least one or two things that would be quite different.

Question #2: What is keeping you from starting your dream today while you are married?

Many spouses that are looking for a divorce are looking for a better life. A life that allows them to live out and fulfill their dreams. They feel like the only way to accomplish that is through divorce because they can’t imagine their spouse being supportive of their goals and dreams.

The next question is: “What is stopping you from starting on your dream today while you are married?”

There are times when we feel like something outside of ourselves is limiting our ability to reach our goals or go after our dreams. Oftentimes, it is actually our own mindset around the situation. When things are tough with your spouse they are tough in every aspect of your life. Stress, high emotions, being overwhelmed, and feeling helpless about your marriage can spill over and consume your daily life.

If you can step back and put things in perspective, a good marriage counselor can help immensely with this, you can start to see things in a new light and get some space from those strong emotions.

You might feel like your spouse is the one holding you back, but if they knew about your dream, they might become the biggest supporter you never knew you had.

Question #3: What’s so exciting about this new life that it’s worth going through a divorce for?

I’d like to pose the same question to you today. “What have you decided is so exciting about that new life, that you are willing to go through a divorce to attain it?”

The really wonderful news I want to share with you today is much of the time you will discover your belief that you must divorce to attain your dream is really not factual.

Happily, I have witnessed numerous couples who have based that belief on words from past history or on a total misunderstanding. Sometimes also life has changed and your spouse now understands you need to fulfill that dream and will not stand in the way but actually support you.

Following are tips to help strengthen your marriage. But first, check out my FREE eBook to Divorce-Proof Your Marriage.

The takeaway is never to assume things without carefully checking things out. Sadly, by the time the above scene takes place, most of those couples no longer are sharing their hearts on a regular basis, so neither is closely connected, so they really have drifted apart.

Here’s a post on drifting apart as a couple: Is Drifting Apart Inevitable?

Check it out to learn if drifting apart as a married couple is inevitable or if there’s hope for having a healthy and fulfilling connection with your spouse.

Until next time…