Did you know that research is very clear that when you think lovingly about your mate when you are not with them, it will make a difference when you see them again?

Isn’t it pretty phenomenal that you can actually create more loving feelings for your spouse when you choose to think of all the special things you appreciate and/or love about them? Yes, the next time you see your spouse after you have been thinking of them in positive ways, you will be in a much more loving place toward them.

It does make sense, doesn’t it? Unfortunately, sometimes when we are apart we are going over our grudges or things we are resenting about our spouse and when we meet, we will also come across as unloving and perhaps angry…certainly not open to being loved.

Do an experiment with yourself and notice how this really works in the next few days. You can try this not only with your spouse but even with your co-workers – not in the same way, of course.

Let’s say you are walking down the hallway at work and you meet and pass one of your co-workers. As you pass they appear to be looking right at you as you give a friendly greeting, however, they do not answer your greeting or act as if they heard it.

What immediately happens inside of your head? You make up a story about it in a nanosecond. The story could first be, what’s wrong with them anyway? I didn’t do anything to them. The feeling that comes with that is probably mild anger because you feel they were being rude or purposely ignoring you.




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After a few minutes, you re-think the situation and the long history you have with them and the likelihood of them acting that way. You realize this behavior is very unlike them. You start to tell yourself a different story. Boy! They must be having a really bad day that they are so stressed out they didn’t even see or hear me. If you believe the new story, your feelings toward them totally change as you begin to feel sorry for them having to experience such a bad day.

When you hear the saying that all of life is lived between your own two ears, it has a new meaning, doesn’t it? The stories we choose to tell ourselves and the things we let go really do make great differences in every part of our lives, but especially in our marriages.

Until next time…

Love to hear your own experiences, stories or questions. Feel free to contact me at [email protected]


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    Waverly Hanson

    Waverly Hanson

    Marriage Counselor & Author

    In my personal life, I have had a long successful marriage and have remarried following my husband's death.  I have had three sons and helped raise a niece for three years and have seven grandchildren.  I have loved spending time with them as they were growing up.

    I also enjoy getting together with family and friends, ATVing in the mountains, photography, hiking, and traveling. I also enjoy reading, creating art, decorating, and serving others by volunteering. 

    Assisting couples in rebuilding their marriages has been so rewarding as I've had the privilege of seeing hundreds of couples reunite and get back to being positively connected to one another. 

    I also work with personal development and those who want to move forward by making positive improvements such as goal setting, self-care, boundaries, behavioral improvements, overcoming procrastination, conflict management, etc.