Updated 2021
An assertive person is someone who can speak his mind, tell others what he wants, and get his job done without disrespecting or offending anyone. Surely to be able to do all of this without making any lifelong enemies in the process must be requiring some sort of skill. And while there are a number of skills that collectively help make a person become more assertive, there is one which outshines the others and that is Confidence!
How to become more assertive and confident is one question that goes on in a lot of people’s minds. What these people don’t seem to realize is that assertiveness and confidence go hand in hand. You really cannot have one without the other.
A person who is not confident will never be able to muster enough courage to assert himself or herself so that others may hear what she or he actually has to say. So, if you are short on confidence it is highly likely that you get bossed around by others too often because you are unable to tell them off.
The reason why most people struggle with confidence is they fear what others will think of them if they actually do speak their mind. They fear rejection from others once they have expressed their opinion or they do not have enough faith in themselves to make them believe that what they feel and have to say is as important as what anyone else might have to say.
Thus, technically speaking the only person standing between you and your relatively confident self is you. One of the most effective ways of having more confidence is to first work on relaxing yourself. You can practice deep breathing exercises to calm yourself down. Once you are calmer you are better able to handle the thoughts coming and going in your head. Thoughts like “I’ll embarrass myself” or “They’ll make fun of me” are irrational thoughts and when you are nervous you are more likely to give in to these thoughts which consequently will then keep you from speaking up.
When you learn how to relax, you automatically become better at handling new, unknown situations. When you come across something unfamiliar, you naturally respond by showing nervousness and stress. Often we all do not have enough faith in our capabilities to help us handle these new situations. However, learning how to calm ourselves will help us gain some perspective that things are not that bad as they seem. You also then are able to recognize that you have previously seen and overcome similar obstacles well in the past.
Remind yourself that rather than gaining approval from others, you first need to have approval from yourself. Nobody listens to a person who does not believe in himself or herself. When a person has little faith in his or her own opinions they have very little chance of convincing others of anything they say.
Decision making, fairness, connecting, negotiation, and working well with others are all different assertiveness skills. They all are linked to confidence.
Keep yourself aware that allowing fear or doubt will likely ruin your chances of getting what you want in life. I’m sure you have noticed how showing both confidence and respect for yourself and others pays off well.
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