Updated 2021
Ready to Get Out of Your Self-Made Rut?
Hi! It’s Waverly here again to encourage and challenge you if you are feeling like you’re just living in a rut and are ready at least to consider making a very positive change.
Have you heard it said that one of the real ways to discover whether or not you are spending your life the way you believe is important or you really want to, is to take a look at Your Calendar, Your Spending, and Your Life Management Habits?
You may be thinking: “What does she mean and how can that make any difference?”
Ready for the challenge?
Here goes:
A. Let’s start with a look at your calendars:
- Take a look at each of your calendars if you have them.
- Agree to keep track of how all your time is spent.
Each one uses a notebook or piece of paper in your wallet. - Be aware and on guard for how easily you can become critical of how your mate is spending their time. At the same time, you want a lot of understanding of how your own time is spent.
- Each person is doing this task so they are no longer guessing where all the time is going but actually know so if they would like they can make different choices.
- Do our calendars reflect our values or what we say is very important to us?
- Be aware that some of the time spent can look non-productive but may actually just be your relaxing or recharge time.
- Do some writing and talking about ways to change or adjust if each of you would like to do that and want support from your spouse.
- Make some decisions together over a relatively short period of time such as two weeks to a month.
- Write out together or separately the details of the exact steps decided on together. Be clear about who will do each task and the time needed along with the deadlines and set a time to report back.
- Implement the steps you have agreed to take and set a time to check on the progress made and any adjustments needed.
B. Look at your Spending Records:
- Look at your spending record if we have one.
- Be aware that usually, one spouse will think whatever the other spouse is spending is not important. Restrain yourself from going down that road. Be ready to be kind and non-judgmental toward one another. (Please do this in a pleasant place, even better in a pleasant public place to keep yourselves on your best behavior.)
- Agree to keep track of every penny or dollar spent for at least one week. Each of you uses a notebook or piece of paper in your wallets.
The purpose is to know amounts spent instead of guessing.
Be prepared to be very surprised at how little things add up.
- Does our spending reflect our values or what we say is very important to us?
- Do some writing and talking about ways to change or adjust.
- Make some decisions together over a relatively short period of time such as two weeks to a month.
- Write out together or separately the details of the exact steps decided on together. Be clear on implementation times and who will do each task, along with the time needed, the deadlines, and set time to report back and make adjustments as needed.
C. Look at your Life Management Habits & Expectations:
- The sole purpose of this exercise is to gain the BIG picture of what life management plan is a fit for your lives together and the details of how and who will make it all happen.
- Are you both clear on how life management duties are being handled or divided currently? Who? How? When? Who Manages?
– Organizing household, garage, bathrooms, clothing, paperwork, files
– Picking up belongings
– House cleaning
– Laundry
– Meal planning
– Cooking and kitchen cleanup
– Grocery shopping
– Errands
– Transportation to school, outside activities, appointments
– Car maintenance
– Yard care
– Household repairs inside & outside
– Handling mail
– Paying bills
– Child care, discipline, beliefs, making and keeping appointments – school, dentist, doctor, Events at school, sports, music, dance, etc.
– Time with extended family and friends
– Spirituality, place of worship, guidance on right and wrong, values
– Connecting and Re- Romancing
– Re-Charge times
Please note: These last four vital topics are covered in my DIY Secrets to A Life Well Lived offered on this site soon.
- Every couple and every individual have a different level of comfort with basic life management tasks. Clutter and cleanliness are both part of life management issues that you as a couple can make conscious decisions about, giving each person input on a plan.
The extremes of the clutter and cleanliness issue are:
– Everything must be in place 100% of the time and no one can just relax and enjoy life and let things be messy at times
– If the Health Department officials entered, they would condemn the place due to garbage, extreme clutter, hoarding, and disgustingly and grossly dirty living space as a result of not being cleaned for weeks or months
- It is important to recognize and make decisions based on what each person can live with and also what each person is able and willing to take responsibility for on a regular basis.
- For a life management plan to work well, each spouse has to be okay with how the other person does each task.
It helps to be aware that each person may be very attached to their way (the “right way”) to complete a task. Some examples are things like how to fold towels or how to clean floors or wipe off counters. If that is the case, that person needs to keep that particular responsibility instead of being critical of the way the spouse does it.
- How life management tasks are assigned and completed is an important discussion with several questions to be answered.
– Are individual tasks assigned according to the persons who are most skilled in particular areas?
– Are tasks assigned according to whoever has the most time?
– Will tasks be done together by you both?
– Will you take turns on the hated tasks?
– Will you divide tasks up according to whichever person prefers or enjoys each one?
- These questions are assuming you both have lived on your own or learned the personal responsibility concept. It is also assumed you have not been babied or catered to as far as taking care of yourself and your responsibilities. If so, it won’t be a huge deal to face the reality of life maintenance plan choices.
An example of someone for which these assumptions are not true is a person who was allowed to live in a fantasy world of things somehow just being accomplished by some magic fairy or with no personal effort.
Obviously, this circumstance creates a big problem if that person doesn’t even seem aware of what needs to be done. Another big problem is if one spouse also doesn’t do anything without being asked, and worse yet, even acts resentful of having to be a responsible person for his or her living space.
In some marriages, this problem goes on unresolved for years, and finally, the spouse taking on all the tasks begins to feel used, big time.
- If you have been together for several years and things are not going the greatest, it may be time for re-negotiation. Perhaps this is the time to look at what is working well for you both and what is no longer working for either of you.
In the long run, marriages appear to work best when couples make more conscious decisions so that each person has input on how they would prefer to take care of responsibilities.
- Additionally, because life is constantly changing, flexibility on the part of both spouses is an absolute necessity. For a great marriage, the 50-50 percent approach does not work for the long haul. In contrast, and with no one counting, the 100-100 percent works wonderfully.
- Who takes responsibility for disciplining the children and giving them guidance on values and acceptable behavior? Overseeing the homework and other duties?
- Do you take turns being the enforcer and the teacher of your children? It is important that you are in agreement on these issues. Any disagreements between you two should be discussed privately.
- Family Fun – Who takes responsibility to plan those memory-building family connection times.
- Romancing Your Spouse – Date Times – Do you take turns, ideally every week, every other week, minimum monthly?
- Spirituality – Who takes the responsibility for this part of your lives like deciding on a place of worship, if any? Getting support and teaching for deciding right and wrong and on what those values are based?
- Modeling – Are you both modeling what you say is important in your life and your family’s life? What you say you believe in and live?
A couple of examples: Modeling and teaching personal responsibility, including for your moods, practicing consistently kind and clear communication which includes listening to understand, honesty, involving yourself in helping other’s less fortunate by doing a family service project like helping at a mission feeding the homeless, collecting food items or toys?
Ready to take action today on at least seeing where your money and your time are being spent.
If you are thinking, who has time for all that…CONSIDER:
There are 1440 MINUTES IN A DAY…
How Many Do You Spend Online, TV or other?
That’s How Many Minutes You Could Live Your Life On Purpose!
Until next time when I share more thoughts and actions to jog you out of autopilot living and encourage you to Live Your Life On Purpose!
You may also be interested in checking out my new best-selling author book at Amazon.com.
Sometimes just a little help from someone experienced outside your family gets you back on a positive track. Ask about my latest online webinars and coaching programs.