Update 2021
Being assertive means being able to express your opinions, views, beliefs, show you expect respect for your rights and being able to speak up not just for yourself, but for others too who cannot do it for themselves. The main concept of being assertive is that you have to do all of this without feeling overly anxious and, of course, without being aggressive.
When we are growing up we are told to listen to others, elders, teachers and other authority figures that we come across in our life and comply with whatever it is that they are asking us to do. However, when one grows up to be a mature adult, one develops enough sense to let the other person know, respectfully, when things are getting too much for you to put up with.
Before moving on to how to develop effective assertiveness skills, we need to know why these skills are so important in the first place. If you are not assertive, you will not be able to tell people what you really feel. This can lead to a lot of pent up feelings inside of you which can then turn into other emotions like anger, depression, helplessness, anxiety etc.
A non-assertive person also often has poor relationships. He or she will constantly feel as if he or she is being taken advantage of (which in most cases is true) and how his or her needs are not being known or met.
Now that we know why being assertive is so important, let’s talk about how you can become an assertive person. Language is a very important part of any communication, good or bad, assertive or aggressive.
Language also includes bodily language as well. If you want people to pay more attention to what you have to say, not only do you have to start talking business, but you must start acting like you mean business as well.
A serious facial expression, a calm but strong voice, good posture and direct eye contact are all part of the body language you might have to work on if you hope to come across as an assertive person.Your body language is one general technique you can use to look and sound more assertive.
However, there are certain other techniques which specifically make your messages sound more assertive. Those are things like ‘The Broken Record’ technique and ‘Fogging.’ When you want someone to pay attention to what you have to say, keep repeating what you want without getting into an argument. This is what a broken record technique is; you stick on one point and keep on repeating it in a pleasant voice is without explaining or excusing yourself. (I now refer to this as a scratched CD!)
Fogging is yet another technique which allows you to do what you want while agreeing with others. It is like walking with two shoes at the price of one. This is how it works: someone tells you to do something which you do not want to do, but you also do not want to argue with them, so you agree with half of what they are saying while allowing yourself to do what you want to do. You avoid the argument, yet you get to do what you want to do.
Hopefully you find this topic fascinating if you haven’t learned about it before. Additional information on this subject is being added to this website.
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