Updated 2021


top 6 assertive skills you need to be more assertive


We would all be at so much more peace with ourselves if we knew how to speak what we feel in order to get what we want, without being pushy or aggressive.

In other words, we could all do wonders for ourselves by learning to be at least a little more assertive in our lives.

What exactly does being assertive actually mean? What are the skills that are required to help us have more control over our lives and help us stop people from burdening us with unnecessary duties and responsibilities? It turns out, there are just a handful of things that you need to keep in mind in order to prevent people from taking advantage of you.

1. Having Respect for Yourself and Others

A person who is assertive knows that his or her needs are as important as the other person’s. It is not a matter of determining who is more important – it is a matter of being equals.

2. Confidence

If you are not confident in your own views, you have fewer chances of getting other people to agree with them. An assertive person is both confident in himself or herself and in his or her opinions. However, one needs to remember that there is such a thing as being overconfident. Those practicing real assertiveness are aware of that and steer away from that attitude. Overconfidence often leads to overestimating one’s own capabilities and that never ends well.

3. Humble

Being assertive means to put forward what you want. However, it could be that there are times where you do mess up and need to apologize. We are human beings at the end of the day and we do make mistakes. Being humble and admitting when you do something wrong is not only going to help you move forward in life, but is also going to make others around you have even much more respect for you.

4. Sense of Fairness

An assertive person does not shy away from responsibility. We are talking about how to be assertive in order to avoid getting taken advantage of, not in order to avoid doing the work that is your own responsibility. When you have a sense of fairness, it enables you to determine how much responsibility and duties are actually yours. It also gives you both the ability and the sense of timing needed to speak up when you feel things are getting a little out of hand.

5. Active Listening

Active listening is a skill which is not only going to be useful in being more assertive, but it is generally going to help you in other areas, too. You will not just passively hear what the other person is saying. You will not just listen with the intention of figuring out your response but with the intention of understanding the other’s point of view. When you purposely choose to actively listen to someone it will help you become so much better at communicating with others. When you truly actively listen to understand, the other person feels it and your communication works for both you and the other person.

6. Practice:

You can only become effective at anything when you put forth the effort needed. If you want to become more assertive, practice that style whenever you can, as much as you can. Perhaps you have a trusted friend who will be willing to practice with you. Sometimes, you just need to show others the way you want to be treated.

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